This is a good rule to live by in any aspect of life, but especially so in an adoption. For a successful adoption you should be honest with yourselves, honest with your home study provider, honest with your adoption professional, honest with expectant mothers and honest with your child.
Trying to hide your true thoughts or feelings can cause many problems down the road, when those true feelings finally come out. Your home study provider or adoption professional may see this as a red flag, which will stall the adoption. Expectant mothers may choose another family over yours. Your child may feel resentment if you are not truthful about how they came to be in your family. So please put everything out on the table from the beginning, you’ll be grateful that you did.
As we all know, babies work on their own time and don’t always adhere to due dates. For a successful adoption, you should be prepared to welcome your child at any point. Even if you haven’t been matched with an expectant mother, you could still meet your child at a moment’s notice.
You should also be prepared for complications. Not all babies are born perfectly healthy and ready to go home; many have to spend time in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) before being released. There are numerous reasons why a baby may need to stay in the NICU but if it’s necessary, you should be prepared to stay near the hospital for at least a couple of days.
Because there are so many unknowns in adoption, you can’t always be prepared. In these cases, you should be flexible. If you need to travel ASAP, find a way to make it happen. If the birth mother wants to spend time alone with the child before placement, don’t worry about it; just let her be with her baby. If the birth mother needs more contact, come to an agreement that both parties are happy with.
A little bit of flexibility early on in the adoption process will help build a strong relationship with birth parents and create a trouble-free adoption in the future.
Even if your friend only waited three months before being matched with their child, you should expect the process to take at least 12-18 months. No one can guarantee a short wait because no one knows exactly what expectant mothers will be looking for in an adoptive family. Your adoption will happen in its own time. Just remember that one day, you will find the child your child and it will all be worth it.